Feb 25, 2008 5:49 pm US/Pacific
Vania Ellison: Class of 2007
PETALUMA (CBS 5) ―
In a small kitchen in Petaluma, Vania Ellison and her mother are having an animated discussion in almost total silence.
They are totally focused on each other, as their hands move rapidly in conversation. Both of Vania's parents are deaf, and she has grown up using American sign language. The more Vania learned at school, the more she was able to help her parents connect with the hearing world.
She became their ears, their interpreter and often, their guide.
Her parents are separated now, and Vania is now in college. But growing up with a single mom created a situation few teenagers could probably imagine. Her mother has cerebral palsy, and because they have little money, Vania was totally in charge of her care, all the way through high school. Her mother walks with some difficulty and is in almost constant pain.
Whenever Vania would leave the house, she would first consider whether her mother would be okay- was there enough to eat, how long would she be alone?
"She is my top priority in life," said Vania.
Her high school teacher told me that Vania always carried herself like an adult- and it's true. When I met her I was impressed with her total lack of self pity or resentment.
"She sees this as this is just what it is" said her art teacher, Harry Frank. "This is just her life and this is what she has to do.."
But Vania takes that a step further saying she is grateful for the lessons her parents' deafness has taught her about caring, family and life.
Because of her mother's disabilities, Vania was in charge of running the household-the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking. It was a full time job on top of her schoolwork. It's a lot for an adult, much less a teenager.
Harry Frank pointed out, "any one of the three or four difficult things that she is doing would be sufficient for all of us to say, wow, I have had a really hard day. For her, it's not a really hard day, it's just another day, in another week, in another month… that has been difficult."
Harry Frank remembers when Vania brought her mother to Parent's Night- eager to introduce her to her teachers. Most teenagers are self conscious of being different, but he was impressed that Vania showed none of that.
When I asked her about that, she displayed an uncommon grace and maturity. When they go out in public she acknowledged, people do stare, but Vania said, she doesn't worry about it.
"What people do and what their opinions are and how they react is no concern of ours, because we don't know them and we are happy with the way we're living, and she is happy with who she is and I am happy too," she said.
What did upset Vania, was when her mother's degenerative cervical disc became so painful, she could barely move. Bedridden most of the time, Vania would carry her if she needed to get around the house. Neither of them were quite sure what to do. How would they pay for the medical care? Maybe it would go away overnight.
Only when it reached a crisis point, did Vania ask a counselor at school what to do. They ended up in the emergency room, and her mother ended up having surgery. Vania spent months helping her recover.
The greatest difficulty for Vania though was losing her father. Her parents were having difficulty and suffice to say there is now a restraining order in place. Vania still feels the guilt of leaving him, but says her mother's safety had to be the main concern.
Thinking out loud.. she said she wonders if she could have done something to prevent it, then adds, that in reality, she knows there's nothing she could have done.
Her teacher Harry Frank commented repeatedly about how strong Vania is.
"I focus on the good things in my life. Things that make me happy," said Vania.
This ability to lock onto the positive is a common thread I have seen among students who rise above.
"I don't dwell," she added. "That's very important. I don't dwell."
In 2007, Vania became the first in her family to go to college. She is attending Cal State Northridge, and majoring in Deaf Studies.
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